cidade de deus

I know there's something wrong with me when all i acknowledge in a good movie, is the number of curly-haired actors and actresses that are in it.

I wonder: Maybe all I really need to get those amazing curls, is to go to Rio de Janeiro.

There's only one way to find out.


P.S.
The movie is actually pretty good. Lots of badass gangsters with badass guns, if that's appealing to you.

an open letter to cappie

aww.... cappie.

you are the best friend i never had.




only of course people don't normally fantasize about their best friends nor think that they're so sinfully hot (because that would be awfully like incest).

but anyway, i believe that if we were friends, we'd have the best times ever.

we'd drink til we puke ourselves to death.

i will be the best wing woman ever and hook you up with random hot girls and you can repay the kindness by leaving me at the bar with a pint of beer.

i will surely laugh the loudest at your incredibly genius lines.

i'd hit you with a hockey stick every time you contemplate re-dating an ex-girlfriend (because that would mean ingesting what you just threw up, or worse, that you've fallen in love.)

we'd shoot at each other with hot sauce loaded toy guns.

i'd listen to your grand speeches about life (and really try to take you seriously, or act like it.)

we'd cook up the craziest, most rule-breaking and funnest parties known to man.

we'll inspire each other to be the wackiest, most amazing slackers in the world.

and if you'll ever need a supergay hug, i'd squeeze you so hard that your eyeballs will pop out of your head.

and at the end of the day, if all you'll ever need is a friend, then i would be just that.


now....





if only you weren't a fictional character from the abc family network. dammit.

on bus rides

i'm thrilled to discover that as i grow older, i get to know myself a little bit better.

i have, for example, realized that i would have more fun boarding this bus.

than ride an equally gorgeous double-decker which advertises that all non-Christians will forever be tormented in hell.

i always hated the concept of "hell". and even more so, the people who believe that "heaven", if it does prove to be a matter of reality and factuality in the end, is not a big enough place for all of us.

about this, "No God" bus campaigns, i think it's a humorous dig at overly religious nuts and a sincere reminder to go out there, seize the day and live a fully meaningful life.

now, if only there was an atheist around, i'd go buy him a beer.

my indie obsession

a person obsesses over one thing or another every once in a while. some obsess over mathematical equations. some over hot, bronze french models. some over making a change in this otherwise sad pile of dump that is fast becoming the place we call home. while still others obsess over bacon cheesedog and oreo.

i guess what i'm trying to say is, obsessions are just as varied and as unwarranted as almost everything else in this world. anyway, because i am a fully selfish and self-conceited person (and because this is my blog), this post will be about my obsession. i mean, just one of my many obsessions. not all of which is healthy. so, let's stick to the PG-13 kind.

basically, i am obsessed with indie music. i know exactly why, but i'm not in the mood to count the ways, nor will you be in the mood to listen to every single, boring one of them. so instead, i'll just name some of the best indie musicians/artists that i've had a good fortune to come across with in my daily procrastination-induced worldwide web-ing, which i'm pretty sure will screw up my future one way or another.

so here are my loves..

Joshua Radin - i don't believe in marriage, but if it were to be with joshua radin, i'd be married faster than you can say "shrub" (and that's a one syllable word. very easy to say and just sort of rolls out of your tongue). i know, i sound so much like a fan girl. which i am, if you haven't figured that out by yourself by now. what i love most about joshua radin, is his amazingness. the man is a genius, seriously. and not the rene descartes kind of genius, which i honestly don't want to have anything at all to do with in the near future. but joshua radin is such an amazing singer/songwriter who writes songs with poetic lyrics and has the softest, sweetest (yeah, i've tasted it) voice. his songs are the type of songs i'd love to be in the soundtrack of any hopeful movie adaptation of my life. quite simply, joshua radin's music saved me from all these crazy college years where the last thing i wanted to do was to go to school, obviously. he is my hero. and i still want to marry him, but he doesn't know i exist. story of my life.

It's come to this, release me
I'll leave before the dawn
But for tonight
I'll stay here with you (stay forever, man. seriously).

Ingrid Michaelson - who doesn't love pretty girls who sing pretty songs? and did i mention she writes her own songs too? yeah, she does. bummer, right? some people are just so absurdly talented that you just want to take an exceptionally sharp knife and just drive it right through your heart and exist no more. i guess the really amazing thing about ingrid michaelson, besides the fact that she wears an apple on her head so exquisitely, is that her voice has the power to like, make you dance. you know, the kind of dancing you can picture yourself doing while wearing that fictional red dress. you just keep on twirling and twirling. her voice is so beautiful that it makes you think of green grass, and flowers and sunshine and bunnies and beautiful colors. and yes, i sound supergay right now.

If you are chilly, here take my sweater.
Your head is aching, i'll make it better.

(why you'd want to share your sweater with anyone is beyond me, but it does sound sweet).

Priscilla Ahn - while ingrid michaelson makes me think of sunshine and flowers and fairy dust, priscilla ahn helps me visualize rain, the rain spattering on the window pane and a hot cup of chai latte. seriously. no commercialization intended. her singing is the kind of singing you want to put you to sleep. it chases bad dreams away. also, she rhymes very well, which may be an amateur skill for singer/songwriters but which amazes me all the same. and i have heard a preview of her version of silent night. and i have to say, it's the most brilliant rendition ever. it literally took my breath away. i practically had to hyperventilate my way back to life.

Long walks in the dark
Through woods grown behind the park
I asked God who I'm supposed to be
The stars smiled down at me

( i have also asked god who i'm supposed to be in the past. the tricky thing is, i'm still asking the same question. that's not healthy is it?)

Iron & Wine - i would say the best background music ever. samuel beam's music is so quiet, you wouldn't even notice it anymore. the sucker that i am though, i just can't help but notice it. actually, i think that good movie dialogues are always better said with a soft and quiet music in the background, if not complete silence. the thing about iron & wine is, or for generality's sake, the thing that makes all singer/songwriters rise up so much higher like an eagle is their ability to write. i kind of feel like they're first writers, before they are singers. and that really endears indie to me. maybe because ever since i was old enough to personally criticize my own scribblings, i've always sort of decided that i wanted to be a writer. it has nothing to do with being good at it (because honestly, i'm feeling more and more disappointed of whatever writing ability i may have as the years go by). it's just one of those small dreams you have. and the songs of iron & wine, sort of become my background music whenever i lapse into wishful, destructive thinking.

There are times that walk from you like some passing afternoon
Summer warmed the open window of her honeymoon
And she chose a yard to burn but the ground remembers her
Wooden spoons, her children stir her Bougainvillea blooms

(for some reason, this makes me think of past afternoons back home.)

Regina Spektor - is is just me, or do you see the singing brilliance that is people with curly hair? i mean the likes of regina spektor, josh groban, mika, shakira, mohinder suresh, borat... (couldn't resist). and most of the time, i find people with curls painfully atractive. but anyway, what i absolutely like about regina spektor is her "refined roughness". i honestly don't know what i mean by that, but i guess it has something to do with the fact that regina spektor dares to be artistically different and stretch her vocal chords into much longer and wider proportions than most. there's this particular badasss-ness about her that's just so appealing. she's the kind of artist that just exudes individuality and creativity and pure talent.

Suppose I never ever saw you
Suppose we never ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs
Just to break my own fall

( this kind of makes falling in love cooler than it probably ever will be)


i'd love to write more because a) i love making grammatical errors and b) because i have not exactly mentioned all of the indie music artists i'm inlove with. which sucks. but i hate writing very long stuff because then, i won't be reading it again because it's simply too long. and yeah, although i don't want to admit it, i read my own stuff. i read what i write. i am my biggest fan. which is actually, very sad.


i love indie music. even more than i love my left pinky.

- December 9, 2008 (after watching the amazing Superbad for the 4th time)

warming it up

I've never been an eco-warrior. The closest I can be to becoming somebody who cares for the environment is when I get drunk. In such drunken moments, I clean up mine and everybody else's mess. And that's that.

This post is for people who actually are conservationists at heart but who'd never own up to it. Haha. I got this off climatecrisis.net.

Here’s how:

Clean or replace filters on your furnace and air conditioner
Cleaning a dirty air filter can save 350 pounds of carbon dioxide a year.

Use a clothesline instead of a dryer whenever possible
You can save 700 pounds of carbon dioxide when you air dry your clothes for 6 months out of the year.



Turn off electronic devices you’re not using
Simply turning off your television, DVD player, stereo, and computer when you’re not using them will save you thousands of pounds of carbon dioxide a year.


Unplug electronics from the wall when you’re not using them
Even when turned off, things like hairdryers, cell phone chargers and televisions use energy. In fact, the energy used to keep display clocks lit and memory chips working accounts for 5 percent of total domestic energy consumption and spews 18 million tons of carbon into the atmosphere every year!
Be sure you’re recycling at home
You can save 2,400 pounds of carbon dioxide a year by recycling half of the waste your household generates. Earth 911 can help you find recycling resources in your area.


Buy recycled paper products
It takes less 70 to 90% less energy to make recycled paper and it prevents the loss of forests worldwide.

Plant a tree
A single tree will absorb one ton of carbon dioxide over its lifetime. Shade provided by trees can also reduce your air conditioning bill by 10 to 15%. The Arbor Day Foundation has information on planting and provides trees you can plant with membership.

Buy fresh foods instead of frozen
Frozen food uses 10 times more energy to produce.

Buy organic foods as much as possible
Organic soils capture and store carbon dioxide at much higher levels than soils from conventional farms. If we grew all of our corn and soybeans organically, we’d remove 580 billion pounds of carbon dioxide from the atmosphere!

Avoid heavily packaged products
You can save 1,200 pounds of carbon dioxide if you cut down your garbage by 10%.

Eat less meat
Methane is the second most significant greenhouse gas and cows are one of the greatest methane emitters. Their grassy diet and multiple stomachs cause them to produce methane, which they exhale with every breath.

bummer

the whole internship insanity has winded down, but i'm still doomed.

pressure is building up inside me like tetris blocks. and the screen is *thisclose* to being completely filled by them.

thesis. fucking thesis. don't get me wrong though. i love everything about out thesis: the amazing, amazing thesis mates (which includes our equally amazing thesis adviser), the drinks we regularly have (without the thesis adviser), the study, and the series of unfortunate events that transpires as if it's the fucking Friday the Thirteenth everyday.

and papers. fucking papers.


P.S.

someone decided to set the ref on defrost. the glaciers warmed up and transformed into dripping water, and dripped all over my precious box of Nerds.

so fuck that too.

but i'm still in a remarkably happy mood.
what is wrong with me?!

possibly the most exciting week for a prisoner

4 more days to........

FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM!

i can hardly contain myself.

my head is going to split open from too much thinking of how many:

1. beers i can guilt-lessly consume
2. newberry books i can read
3. hours/days i can spend sleeping
4. movies i can go see
5. singer-songwriters i can listen to
6. nonsense blogs i can type
7. nights i finally won't be wasting on reports
8. quiet hours i can spend talking to myself


and so much more!

FREEDOM!

salud!

i have loved beer since the first time i started drinking it (i must have been 14).
for someone who loves beer so much, i still pretty much agree that it's not the sweetest beverage there is. it could taste downright foul sometimes. and there would even be times when you start asking yourself, "Why the hell am I still drinking this?"
but like true love, you learn to forgive and forget.
and you learn to accept it into your life all over again.
bitter, foamy and sobriety-breaking.

people have vices. and i have, in my own way, taken some pride in the truth that i have come to be more accepting and be less judgmental. this is one of those things you learn to do and you become when you're constantly around people who may like the things you don't, and don't like the things you do, but whom you find interesting nonetheless.

vices can be as varied as the genetic makeup that comprises the whole of humanity. some people fall in love with the wrong people. some procrastinate. some keep falling in love with the wrong people even when they know they shouldn't, or no matter how they say they haven't. some do drugs. some smoke weed. some smoke cigarettes instead because it's legal. some procrastinate. some hurt other people. some hurt themselves. some don't want to hurt other people, so they hurt themselves instead. some crave sex. some think they don't need sex. some judge. some are judged. some tell the truth. some lie. some make love to booty music (i couldn't resist).

i could be one of those people i mentioned. in fact, i am one of those people i mentioned. but my biggest vice, or atleast what i acknowledge to be my biggest vice, is drinking. i actually, have accepted that i might in the future become alcoholic and this would cause a great disruption in my social functioning, would prove to be detrimental to my health and would ruin my relationships. i have accepted that i could become alcoholic, in the same way that i have accepted that nobody can ever be perfect and flawless.

i still ask myself sometimes, why i love drinking so much. i guess it could be that feeling you get when you start losing your balance, or when you start slurring your speech and yet you still talk to people and actually make really serious and heartfelt conversations (which unfortunately, you might not remember the next day), or when you begin noticing that the people around you have stripped themselves off any inhibitions and are baring their very soul.

but i do think one thing is for certain. i love drinking, because of how it seems to strengthen any connections i might have. this might sound pretty pathetic considering that some people do pretty well without getting drunk. but in my case, have discovered that drinking pulls me just a bit closer to the people i care for.

whenever my folks and i drink, i talk more. i tell them about school, about how i'm doing, about my plans for the future (or the lack thereof), about my thoughts, my feelings. i tell them things that i would normally not tell under ordinary circumstances (i.e. phone calls) because i think that there are things you shouldn't discuss with your parents, or because i think they won't understand. but whenever we drink together, i realize that i'm wrong, and that they understand everything. and even more.

whenever i drink with my older brothers and sister, i remember. i remember how we used to be. how we had so much fun growing up together. how we fought. how we made up. how we hated each other. how we became friends. how we protected each other. i sometimes think like they have changed. they already have their jobs and school. they have their girlfriends. we no longer have the same set of friends. but when we drink, i realize that they may have changed, but they're still the same. they're still the same people i grow up with. they still have my back. they still think i'm the funniest and the weirdest person on earth. they still treat me like a kid. whenever we drink, i realize that they still remember who we were, how we were back then and how we could still be the same in the future.

whenever i drink with my friends, i discover. i discover that we may have been apart, but we still very much know each other. i discover that internship and growing up may have screwed us over, but we're still pretty much the same. i discover that we may have kept some things from each other and may not have been entirely truthful, but we've had our reasons. i discover, when we drink, that we do depend on each other. that we find and draw strength from being together. that we combat problems with our solidarity. i discover that i can be accepting and respectful of my friends' decisions, and that they can be accepting and respectful of mine. i discover that we do not have to be alike to be friends. and i discover that when we drink, some of us could in fact be conveying messages of pain, of anger, of exhaustion, of wanting to cry out loud, of wanting to scream out something, of wanting to unwind, of wanting to do something different, of wanting to talk about love, of wanting to talk about love lost, of joy and sometimes, of simply being grateful that we are together. whenever we drink, i re-discover what it is like to be a friend, and to have one.

and whenever i drink by myself, i think about all these. i think about vices, family, friendship, school (and why i have to keep on going to school when it is the last thing i want to do), about passion, and about love. and i think about why i love beer.

and why i love it enough to not care that my beer belly will just get bigger and bigger until the day it finally bursts and is no more.

i love beer.
and like true love, i am willing to take some risks and sacrifice my liver cells.

Una cerveza, por favor.

dammit

curls

are

everywhere.

the warm days are here

......

and there's nothing in it for me but nose bleeds.