five minutes of heaven

"The problem with me is.. I have all the wrong feelings." - Joe Griffin

staying private

I just watched a documentary called We Live In Public. It was about a brilliantly crazy internet pioneer who tried to show the world its future. Through his crazy experiments, Josh Harris introduced the promise of immense virtual human connectivity through the internet, but bringing along its evil twin - extinction of privacy and losing in touch with the people who are. actually in your life. Josh Harris may have had unorthodox means, but his premise made great sense.

I have for example witnessed how we have bowed down to the internet and technology in general. We have become slaves and prisoners of war. Oh, wait. I digress. I meant to say that we have become slaves of technology. My friends and I would get together to binge drink and these are friends you've known since you were 5 years old and haven't seen for the last year or so because you've been to hell (aka college) and so of course you're pretty excited to hear about what has been happening with their lives during those times you weren't around and you keep on yapping and yipping and can't seem to keep your mouth shut because you've got too many questions - and of course, they're not paying you any attention because they're busy wearing away the epidermis on their thumbs on texting. I hate technology if only for ruining what could be a great get-together with my friends.

Okay, so I will talk to you tomorrow. I'm talking to this Canadian boy who wants to swap lives with me, so. I guess I'd better go and find out what he has to offer.

resurrection

Boy, it's been a while since I wrote anything here.

I'm afraid that in the past few months, I have dried up, turned into dust and has gone with the wind to the darkest, farthest corners of the Earth. To tell you the truth, I'm still looking for the rest of my body.

For the past few months I have been..

staring into blinding nothingness
listening to a dumbfounding silence
feeling a heartbreaking coldness

For the past few months I found myself taking a few steps to where drama kings and queens take their afternoon walks. I can't say I liked it.

I used to think that if I figured out why I was so detached, unsatisfied and to some degree, sad and regretful then I would be okay. I used to think that if I spent some time with the people that I enjoyed spending time with, then it would be like I was cutting up my sorrows into little pieces and throwing them out to the sea where they would end washed up at shore somewhere far enough not to mean anything anymore. I used to think that if I did not think about it, then I would forget that I was feeling unhappy.

But I have tried all those and none seemed to work.

So I guess, that's why I'm back to the drawing board.

Now come here and welcome me with a big, bone-breaking hug.