Saturday, June 19, 2010

bad rep

My friends and I just basically got thrown out of a karaoke bar back home. There's this karaoke bar called Seafront which we frequent. There's nothing special about the place except maybe the fact that it's one of only two karaoke bars operating in our town. Anyway, it has a front view of the sea (thus the name) and your regular cheap beer and incorrect lyrics to sing along to. Don't get me wrong though, I love the place. Cheap beer had always been my kind of thing, and well, wrong lyrics seizes to be an issue when you've had a bottle too many and already slurring your speech. We love going there because our houses are in very close proximity to the place (now that I think about it though, everything is in close proximity to each other in my hometown), and we know almost everyone who goes there (another thrilling fact about living in small towns). The people who run the place used to be very nice too. But if you noticed the tense, they've stopped being nice for some time now.

So anyway, it was a regular Friday night and we were having clean fun and drinking a few beers and singing songs that were very prominent in our childhood (think Vengaboys and The Backstreet Boys). We were minding our own business, not being rude to the other patrons, and counting our bill in our not-quite-muddled-by-beer-minds-yet so we'll know we were still on budget. Then came this lady, one of the two who usually run the place (the one who I think I've unwittingly been pissing off for a while now) who told us they've run out of beer. Well, maybe not everyone knows this but karaoke is not as fun without beer so we paid our dues, thanked the people in-charge (because we're nice that way) and left Seafront.

We went some place after that to continue what was becoming to be a fun and interesting night (they usually are back home). We were having fun by ourselves when someone we knew who was still at the karaoke bar sent us a message asking why we didn't go back. We of course told him that they've run out of beer so we left. Well, apparently, Seafront just ran out of beer for our consumption. There was enough beer for everyone else.

Apparently, we were kicked out for being loud and for horse-playing. The shocker was though, that this wasn't normal behavior for a place where the biggest drinkers in town go out to chill, where you have to shout to have a conversation with the person sitting next to you, and where people regularly pass out from too much alcohol. Not being loud and rowdy in Seafront is like telling someone from Sodom and Gomorrah to quit being so lewd and sinful. It's both unnatural and unrealistic.

I have always been one to react strongly against injustice, even the smallest kind. But this time, it was pretty hilarious. Albeit in an annoying, irritating kind of way. I have a theory as to why we were kicked out of the place (I'm still very grateful though that we were kicked out in a subtle way. I'll keep praying they don't get bouncers for the place, or it will be very bad luck for us). My friends and I have this reputation of being serious drinkers. Whenever we're all together, we drink every night. Sometimes, in the day too. Some people say we're crazy. Some people think we're cool because we still managed to be friends with each other after all this time. Some people think we're setting a bad example. A bad example to whom, I'll never know. After all, the younger kids back home drink harder than we do, so I think we don't have to take credit for how they're behaving. It doesn't really matter though, I still know we have a bad rep. And I know I have the worst rep of all because almost all drinking sessions are planned by me. For that one though, I will proudly take credit.

So I am now in the crossroads. I'm thinking of ways to get even (I was scorned, after all). I actually thought of going back to the place, this time, deliberately adopting my worst behavior times ten. But that would be childish, even for me. I also thought of setting up my own karaoke bar as their business competition but of course I don't have money for that. And needless to say, a pretty stupid idea, even for me.

So I have decided not to get even. I think beer is helping with my maturation. It's actually pretty simple. I will not go where I'm not wanted. I will not be lambasted for enjoying myself. I refuse to be thrown out because my friends and I are having more fun than the others.

As for the Seafront people, they have bruised me and my friends a little and I may only be saying this because of the bruising, but: They shouldn't be running a business. A karaoke bar is a place where people should feel safe to lose some of their inhibitions and be brave enough to sing songs off-key, to have fun with their friends, to drink beer if they want to and to be loud and crazy if they must. If they don't want peace and quiet disturbed, then they're obviously in the wrong line of business. They should also learn how to treat customers fairly. Since we were paying our dues, not disrespecting anyone, and not ruining the night for the other customers, then logic says we shouldn't have been thrown out. But we were. And in no way is that good for business. Well, that's just my two cents.

But you know what they say.

The customer is always right.

I know this one is. And if you disagree, go read someone else's blog. Sucker. :)

as i am

You know how they say you can be alone and still not be lonely? Well, I am alone. And I am lonely.

It's ridiculous how long it took me to realize this. I used to think that the unhappiness I was feeling was just midlife crisis (I am a firm believer that my life will end at 40, so being 21 now, does make this midlife.) I also thought I could be manic-depressive. I do that sometimes. I try to cover up whatever problem I'm having by giving them silly names and just pushing them to the background thinking that no way could that really be happening. Besides, to be manic-depressive, one has to be manic sometimes. I never was. All the time I was just all sorts of depressed. So maybe I was just going through a stage of depression. Labels pretty much make people crazier than they already are.

Whatever though. Depressed or not, nobody cares. I say this because, well, nobody has ever really asked how I feel. How I'm doing. Not my family, not my friends, not the next-door dog (I don't really have a next-door dog. Pets are not allowed in the building.) The thought that nobody cared enough to ask me how I was used to be really saddening. It puts your ego on check. Now I realize that I am not as important, not as irreplaceable as I used to think. Guess we're all pretty stupid when we're young. But you can't really blame people you know. Everyone is busy fending for their selves. They don't have time for other people and it's not fair to ask them to make time. After all, life is still pretty much governed by natural selection. The strong thrive. The weak fade into oblivion. I am learning to play the cards I've been dealt all by myself. I'm still pretty bad at this, but I'm sure practice will make perfect.

People get sad for different reasons. Some had their heart broken, some lost someone they really cared about, while some find that they're losing themselves. My sadness isn't in any way special.

I am sad because I am doing something I'm not very passionate about.
I am sad because I am somewhere I don't want to be.
I am sad because I don't have any friends.
I am sad because I am starting to realize that maybe, just maybe, all the decisions I've made in the past have been wrong.
I am sad because I was never brave enough to go after what I really wanted.
I am sad because of all the responsibilities that I never wanted and was never prepared to take on.
I am sad because nothing is fair in this world.
I am sad because I feel like it will not be easy remembering how to be genuinely happy again.

I used to be apologetic whenever I said this because I am still pretty lucky and it's probably not that bad from an outsider's point of view, but right now...

I will not be apologetic.

I will say what I have to say.

And good or not, I will come as I am.