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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Religion - And how it rubs me the wrong way




Don't get me wrong. I try not to judge people's religious beliefs. In fact, it's very easy not to care about who someone's god is, or which book they base their lives on, or how they praise and worship. It's like the whole idea of who's sleeping with who. It's intimate and private. And for the most part, it doesn't interest me.


So I was very infuriated, when for the second time, and I mean, the SECOND time, someone asked me to accommodate a client to my therapy program, because, according to that nincompoop who came up to me, they belonged to the same church. It made me want to hit someone, something, anything.


It all felt real cheap. In my book, people who think they deserve to get special favors are nothing but morons. Specially if they think telling me that they belong to this particular religious ministry would make me quake in the knees and drop down to kiss their asses.


I provide my services to all kinds of people. Young, old. Male, female. Gay, straight. Roman Catholic Christians, Protestant Christians, Muslims. Genuinely nice clients, really annoying condescending clients. Clients who pay, clients who pay half of the fee, clients who can't pay.


From the very start, my basis for client accommodation has been the first-come first-served scheduling. It works, because it's fair.


So to have somebody come up to me, and ask me to accept someone into the program because they share the same unbelief at making the sign of the cross, or because they sing the same hymns, regardless of the fact that they're at the bottom of the schedule list, just makes me want to cry out something significantly loud and profane.


This brings me back to my second year in college when for a project in Audiology we had to make our own vocal play books. Vocal play books, easily enough, are books used to teach and elicit sounds. I remember devoting a page of my vocal play book to a cackling witch. A. Because I just love witches, and B. Because witches can make really high-pitched sounds when they cackle. I was pretty proud of my book, primarily because I'm not artistic and so to be able to finish something even as infantile as a play book was a big deal. But I guess that pride was cruelly crushed when the instructor, during my book presentation, called me out for putting a witch on my book. She said it was offensive. I didn't really believe then, that I would offend a four year old kid for showing her a cackling witch on her broomstick. If anything, I think she'll probably just comment on how it was a pretty terrible drawing. The instructor said I had to be more sensitive about people's religious beliefs and cultures. To say that I hated her for calling me out and pretty much embarrassing me in front of my future colleagues, would be an exaggeration. But I have to say, that ever since that incident, I never took her seriously again. After all, how can you ever take someone seriously after she lambasted you for having an imagination?


I may sound like someone with a grudge, and I wouldn't even parry that description. For all I know, that is true.


But now that I am reminded why she was so disagreeable to my witch, because as she tried to explain it, I wasn't being sensitive towards people of different religion and culture, I start to wonder why she didn't call out the students who presented talking pigs and cows in their books. Cows are sacred in India. Some Hindu households have cows and these cows have names, addressed with respect and treated as members of the family. And of course, how can anyone forget about the infamous pigs? Pigs are haraam in the Islam culture. Muslims are prohibited to eat pork or even touch their carcass. In fact, a toy company even had to take out the pig from their farm animals toy set, fearful that it would offend Muslim customers.


Unfortunately for me, the instructor was only offended by my witch. She probably had no idea that things like Hindu and Islamic cultures exist and that the snorting sound of a drawn pig, or the moo-ing of a cow might actually do bigger damage.


Times like this I regret that I wasn't brave enough to give authority figures a piece of my mind back when I was younger, specially now that I'm aware of how some of them might not have even owned a mind of their own. I guess I'm a late bloomer.


All this comes down to, is that in my profession, nobody's going to get precedence just because he believes in god, or doesn't.


And I don't care if it gives me hell.








Sunday, January 23, 2011

Stop Telephonin' Me



There's a reason why my phone has a longer Missed Calls list than a Received Calls list.


Could be due to the inarguable truth that I am asleep 90% of the time so I can't answer my calls.

But usually it's because I hate getting phone calls, or making phone calls for that matter.

Phone calls terrify me. There's something eerily disconcerting about hearing someone else's voice but not seeing him. I just don't know when to start talking, or when to stop. I just generally don't know what to say. There's also the idea that when I'm on a phone call, I feel obligated to make the conversation running and interesting. It doesn't even matter that I wasn't the one who initiated the call. I feel the same way anyway.


Phone calls with me often go like this:


Me: "Hello?"
Other Person: (blah blah blah)
Me: "Yes. You?"
Other Person: (blah blah)
Me: ........................................................................
Other Person: (blah blah blah)
Me: "Ah."
Other Person: (blah blah blah)
Me: .........................................................................
.................................................................................
.................................................................................
.................................................................................
..................................................................................
Other Person: (blah blah blah)
Me: ..........................................................................
..................................................................................
..................................................................................
Other Person: "Were you already sleeping?" "Did I wake you?"
Me: "Huh? Uh... no."
Other Person: "You sound like you're asleep."
Me: .......................................................................... "U-huh."
Other Person: (blah blah blah)
Me: ..........................................................................
..................................................................................
Other Person: (blah blah blah)


I push the end call button.


And then send a text that says, "Sorry. Dunno what happened. There must be something wrong with the network connection."





You don't want to call me.






Friday, January 21, 2011

Lunch




Have you ever cut your finger on the sharp edge of an open can?


Cutting your finger on the sharp edge of an open can is almost like, in a weird way, understanding sadness. You will know you have cut a finger open even before you see the blood coming out. In the same way that you will know somebody is hurting even if you can't see their tears.








Thursday, January 20, 2011

Red dots




I was in one of those terrible moods one Thursday morning and was seriously considering how being dead would be such a relief. Obviously, I have moved on.


That night, I watched a Japanese film called Suicide Club. It pretty much was about suicides, that I could tell you. But to be honest (and I try to be every single day), it was pretty pointless. Maybe I expected too much. Maybe I'm one of those people who can only follow linear storylines in films. Maybe I do not know how to appreciate great art. Or maybe I'm right, and Suicide Club was an interesting film for the first thirty-five minutes and a complete waste of time from then on.


I used to not understand why people would want to off themselves. The idea was strange to me. But looking back, I remember how I was more innocent then. Self-righteous. More sure of myself. Now, I think all I have become, is more respectful of people and the choices they make. Suicide doesn't seem ridiculous to me now. I have come to understand that for the people who have chosen to do it - it was their solution. And there's absolutely nothing funny about that.


So I was pretty excited to see Suicide Club and discover for myself what all the cult following was about. Now I am certain that the people who liked this film would remember it more for its famous opening scene than for making sense. It's mean-spirited how the makers of the film sent me on what seemed like a wild goose chase trying to piece together a nonexistent puzzle.


It was fun reading reviews on this film on IMDb. Everybody seemed to have an opinion. Everyone thought it's non-directionality was artistic and was very comprehensible if you have been given a mind half as good as theirs. In fact, any one who thought the movie was senseless and without direction was regarded an idiot.


They say Suicide Club is a love-or-hate venture. I didn't love it. Maybe I'm an idiot. Maybe not.


All I know is, this idiot's not going to watch the sequel.



Saturday, January 15, 2011

i autistic



Always the last
Always the slowest
Always the least worthy
Always the least respected
Always the one to break things
Always the one to displease others


by Eric Chen