an open letter to cappie

aww.... cappie.

you are the best friend i never had.




only of course people don't normally fantasize about their best friends nor think that they're so sinfully hot (because that would be awfully like incest).

but anyway, i believe that if we were friends, we'd have the best times ever.

we'd drink til we puke ourselves to death.

i will be the best wing woman ever and hook you up with random hot girls and you can repay the kindness by leaving me at the bar with a pint of beer.

i will surely laugh the loudest at your incredibly genius lines.

i'd hit you with a hockey stick every time you contemplate re-dating an ex-girlfriend (because that would mean ingesting what you just threw up, or worse, that you've fallen in love.)

we'd shoot at each other with hot sauce loaded toy guns.

i'd listen to your grand speeches about life (and really try to take you seriously, or act like it.)

we'd cook up the craziest, most rule-breaking and funnest parties known to man.

we'll inspire each other to be the wackiest, most amazing slackers in the world.

and if you'll ever need a supergay hug, i'd squeeze you so hard that your eyeballs will pop out of your head.

and at the end of the day, if all you'll ever need is a friend, then i would be just that.


now....





if only you weren't a fictional character from the abc family network. dammit.